5 Steps I Took to Plan The Most Epic 40th Birthday Celebration Ever

I threw myself a 40th birthday party.

It wasn’t like any party I had been to before or anything that anyone would have created except for ME and that’s what I loved most about it!

Imagine a day by the seaside with your 12 closest friends doing Thai massage and eating chocolate cake and drinking Chai and wine and connecting in real and deep ways. Yup, that’s what I imagined too and that’s what I pulled off. Now, let me explain how I did it:

1. Before I began the planning of it, the first step I did was to identify my need for that milestone in my life. I knew I wanted connection and depth and comfort. Friends and family members were throwing out ideas of what they thought would be fun but none of the ideas resonated with me. In fact, some of the ideas just gave me anxiety. I committed to myself to not take any steps toward anxiety even if it meant doing nothing at all and instead to follow MY unique needs for this milestone.

2. After identifying my needs, I let my imagination run away with itself. I dreamt up the most epic, chill, dreamy day of all times. I thought about all that I would want to go to bed having experienced and felt during my 40th birthday day. I imagined a way to pull my friends together without any stress or any awkwardness being the introvert that I am. Just this simple act of allowing myself to dream, called in a vision that was perfectly perfect for me.

3. I took charge. I made the phone calls and the logistics. I sent out the invites and gathered the RSVP’s. I asked for very specific help with the tasks that I knew I could benefit from help with. I held zero resentment for having to do the leg work because I wanted to fulfill this vision. It sounded like heaven to me and I wanted to see it come to fruition. I had friends step in effortlessly when I asked them to and I didn’t need to ask for all that much because I was listening to my needs.

4. I hired help. Throughout the five hours of my 40th birthday party, my friends and I got to learn and be led by three different facilitators. These were other women in my community who hold skills that I loved and wanted to be enveloped by and I simply asked them. To my delight, all three said yes. With one, I worked a trade and with two there was money exchanged. By having these ladies come and lead, it majorly took the pressure of of me to hold the space all day and it gave all of the attendees a chance to learn together and connect together.

5. It was a gift. This day turned into a huge gift for myself and for my community. Every woman who attended beamed about the experience for days and weeks afterwards. Each had gotten a break from their busy lives to come and just be, to meet new friends and to learn. My mom had an opportunity to join us and see her grown daughter in her element doing what she loved. The facilitators met a whole bunch of potential, new clients and shared their work with a wider audience. We had rented a local space and purchased local food boosting the economy on that late fall day. In onother words it was a win, win, win. It was a gift.

As I peruse the milestones of my life and those of my family and friends I recognize that I am almost always the one to call the special party, stop the chatter to ask the deeper questions, light candles and hold ritual to make it special. I love when other people feel seen, acknowledged and held and I wanted to be sure I did the same for myself on this day of my life. And I can tell you for sure, I am SO glad I did!

Now it’s your turn, if you were to plan the absolute perfect gathering for YOU (remember you are COMPLETELY unique and there is absolutely NO right or wrong), what would you plan?

5 Steps to Take While Going Through This Transition

Transitions, life is so full of them.

In reality each day is a transition. Ponder how different you feel in the morning than you do in the evening. Every day transitions us through different light and smells and feelings and experiences. It is the perfect practice ground for when the big ones come.

And then there’s the major life transitions; leaving home, starting out on your own, relationships coming together and breaking apart, becoming a mama, going back to school or work, leaving school or work, an empty nest, transitioning into menopause and into becoming an elder.

It is so common in our culture to skip over these major life milestones or to stuff away the myriad feelings that come with them. Few of us were taught to really experience the transitions we are in and to harvest as much from each phase of them as we can.

When we harvest from the transitions, we turn our transitions into transformations instead of letting them turn us inward on ourselves in self critical, guilt induced, painful ways.

Each part of our journey in these bodies has something to teach us and if we let them, to help us expand into something greater. Below are five ideas for you to practice no matter what transition you are going through.

1. Give yourself permission to name what season of life you are in.

   Just like the seasons outside, every part of our lives are a season we are living through. Being in transition is it’s own season and has it’s own unique flavor and lessons. Name where you are at and stop guilt tripping yourself for being right where you are.

2. Mark time to honor it.

   This may sound counterintuitive but when we go towards the scary thing it actually gets smaller not bigger. Gather up some flowers and arrange them in a way that makes your heart happy. Bring your favorite candles, play some music that soothes your soul. Make a tiny ritual for yourself about the transition you are in. Name where you’re coming from, where you’re at and where you want to go.

3. Ask for help.

   Call a friend or hire a coach and actually admit “I need help with something.” Ask specific questions that you are looking for help with as you journey through this changing time. Giving someone else the gift of supporting you through this time is magic for both of you. Processing is pure gold. You’ll soon see you are not alone and that other’s truly do care even as you change.

4. Futurecast.

   Get out your journal and dream as if fear is not a thing. As if courage is all that you are made of. Dream your biggest, loudest, proudest, most epic dreams. Dream into where you are going and how you will feel as you get there. Write in the present tense as if you are already there celebrating what has come to pass. Use “I am” statements galore.

5. Feel ALL.THE.FEELINGS

   The only way out is through. Let this seeming breakdown become a breakthrough. There is no feeling that is too big for you to feel or be with. Set a timer and let yourself feel the feeling that is knocking on your heart’s door for 1 minute knowing after that you can come back to base. Let every feeling be a wise and friendly teacher, don’t be afraid of any. Know that each feeling is cleansing you and taking you through this experience of transformation. Feel each one like a cleansing on this inside even when it hurts.

We so often look back on the absolute hardest times as our most powerful.

I remember when I first became a mom to a son with a life threatening genetic disease. I was in the transition of a lifetime. The earth beneath me felt like water and the sky above me felt like constant and persistent fire storms. When I look back now, I see the power and ferocity in that time. How that time was stripping away all of my crutches and addictions and coping mechanisms so that I could actually meet my true self for the first time. It sucked in the moment but it truly created me to be the woman I am today.

When we are in transition it can feel so disorienting and alienating. It’s easier to close in than open up but closing in adds to our feelings of isolation and numbness. Share where you’re at so you can learn from all the wise ones who have passed this way before and remember you are never, not ever, alone. There is a web of women waiting to catch you if you let them.

Remind yourself each day that this too shall pass and you’ll come out transformed even if you don’t know what that looks like.

Turn to Mother Nature who never resists the storms that pass by her body. Harvest the fruits of this time though they may taste bitter and odd. You were made for this, I promise.

She Told Me WHAT About Life Coaches?

Recently I was hanging out with a dear friend at the skate park as our children whooped it up on their bikes. Our conversation had roamed to many deep and lovely topics and then landed on her saying "I've kind of judged LIFE COACHES as only for the totally privileged. I mean, c'mon a coach for your life? The only people who get that are totally privileged."

In that moment I was a little surprised. Of course, she knows exactly what I do for a living. She knows exactly how sacred my work is. How my clients think of me as a midwife for their souls not somebody who "fixes their lives."

So I mentioned out loud that I TOTALLY didn't agree with her assessment. And we moved on. But my response to her has been brewing inside me. I feel so blessed that she is a dear friend who I feel safe disagreeing with and coming back to with my response.

So here it goes:

Life has gotten SO freakin' complicated. Women have taken on SO many new roles over the years. We work and we tend the home, we grow babies inside of us and raise them with massive intention. We live in a time of political embroilment, Mother Earth retaliation, the rights of women still questioned.

We have more options and choices and opportunities than ever before but we haven't had the chance to disarm from all the ones we used to have. We have tons of options but not equal rights.

For generation upon generation upon generation there have been heavy expectations of us ladies. We are often expected to be OK with less pay for equal work and more on our to-do lists than is humanly possible.

We quiet our desires to fit into some mold of what we think we "should" be. We say yes when we mean no. We overcommit. We try our best to not upset others or get judged. We are feminine goddesses on a monthly cycle working to fit into a masculine system.

We pour our energy out, out, out rarely pausing to pour back inward.

We are just expected to be OK no matter what. But........we're not.

We're totally overwhelmed, overcommitted, stressed, anxious and depressed. We're heavy and overloaded. We're juggling it all.

So NO, we don't need someone to coach our life. But, YES we do need someone to tenderly listen to us. To give us a place to express what's in our hearts and our dreams. Yes, we need a moment away from work and children to express and believe in what else is possible and to have someone to encourage us to speak our truths, to live into our vulnerability, to make choices that support our health, to say NO to all the asks. To be in integrity so we can take care of ourselves as we take care of everyone else.

If every woman I know had a soul midwife(aka life coach), our world would be a flourishing place full of empowered women. And our world is becoming that. More and more women are stepping into leadership roles. More and more women are courageously combining our roles of the past and our roles of the now into a new twist of feminism.

What might be possible in your life if you had someone to process with? Someone to share what's truly inside of you with? Someone to midwife your spirit and heart and intuition into the forefront of your life? It'd feel pretty freakin' empowering, huh?

I'm gonna forward this post on to my friend now. I hope I cleared anything up that you might have been wondering about too. If not, feel free to email me and let’s chat!

Three Things to Celebrate From My Year

A need to recount, record and share is upon me.

It's the solstice time. When the light slowly, ever so slowly, returns and I want to count my blessings and record my lessons in this time.

So here I go, my biggest personal takeaway's from 2018. It is my intention that in sharing these, you will recognize your own growth over this last boisterous year. I also hope you find inspiration to chart a course of new growth for the year ahead.

1. I meet my needs and they give me superhuman strength. 

I've finally become someone confident enough to prioritize my own needs even when it feels in opposition to other's expectations or requests. It is so wildly liberating. It is so wildly empowering!

In knowing myself intimately enough to meet my needs, I feel deeply confident and grounded.

I know how to take enough time and space away from other's so that I'm nearly un-triggerable. I know how to reset when I'm drained, how to say no even when it's super awkward and how to stoke my inner fire and refill if I only have 30 seconds to do so.

It is freaking fantastic to feel this and I highly recommend it!

2. I am a Mother Earth devotee through and through. 

Through every issue that has surfaced over this past year and every up and down through my own natural, personal cycle, I came back to Mother Earth.

When I'm lost, I go to the garden. When I'm sad, I go to the trees. When I'm needing to move, I go to the beach. I worship Mother Earth and I want her wellness.

She grounds me and gives me purpose. She is our world and our breath and our bones. She is our meal and our dessert. She is our clothes and our bed and our blankets.

For me, she is my North Star. She leads me to my work, my purpose, my inner voice, my teachings, my physical strength and always, she always, takes me home.

3. Intuition is EVERYTHING. 

The voice inside is always right, always guiding, always soft.

It always has been and for that I celebrate. I rejoice. I AM.

My voice inside whispers such sweet guidance to me and it is my job to trust and listen. To listen and trust. It whispers little notions and potions and magical prayers. It whispers next steps and connections and leads me magnetically to the next right person and moment and conversation.

It keeps me healthy and grounded and well. It is the voice in my heart and wants my attention. It is the antidote, opposite, guidance that the voice in my head lacks.

It is the leader of the lover of the light. It is my soft, cozy place. It is my heart.

Now it's your turn............What three takeaways do you want to own from this past year?

Last year at this time, so many of my followers were delighted to experience daily journal prompts from me, so I have decided to offer prompts again this year! Inward Bound is 30 days of daily journal prompts for $33, to guide you inwards so you can start off your year feeling intimate and connected to yourself, grounded and guided. Register here to begin receiving your daily prompts via email on January 1st.

All my love, 
Lexi

Five Myths You Need To Know About Self Care

Self care!

It's funny that I don't use those words that often because really that is so much of what I talk about with you all. I guess those words just don't really quite do it for me.

Think about it, self care, taking care of ourselves. Such buzz words these days. And in my opinion for super good reason.

I want to talk about some of the myths around self care today and some of what I consider fact instead:

Myth #1: Self care looks like massages, pedicures and yoga class.

Truth: Those activities may in fact look like self care for some people but definitely not for all people. I know plenty of people who go to yoga, feel better for a moment, then leave class and sink directly back into guilt, self doubt, shame, fear, overhwelm. What works for one does not work for all. Generally our guts let us know what will work and actually feel rejuvenating for us. Some days for me, it’s a quiet walk around the block. Some days it’s listening to my favorite podcast. Sometimes it’s weeding in my garden.

Myth #2: Self care needs to be put in a certain time slot in the week and that is the only place it is available to be practiced.

Truth: Self care can come in a busy moment at work when we remember to take a deep breath. It can come in the middle of a tough conversation when we check in what we are really feeling and really needing. It can come when we’re on a run and we feel called to take a different route and we actually listen within and mix it up. Self care is taking five minutes in the car to recalibrate before we launch into our next task. Self care does not need to fit into some slot on our calendar, it’s the little acts that if we integrate throughout each day, that make a huge impact on our lives.

Myth #3: Self care needs to be elaborate, involved and fancy.

Truth: Self care can be so crazy simple. It can be fresh air, a sip of water, using the bathroom when our body requests we do. It can be riding our bike to work instead of driving, setting an alarm on our phone to remind us to breathe or crying when we feel tears rising. None of these acts cost money are fancy or elaborate but that take care of us. That is the whole point. To take care.

Myth #4; Self care is only something I “do” not what I “be.”

Truth: In any given moment we have a choice whether we are in our shaming, blaming, guilting, “have to” mind or whether we can live from a different place. A place that has compassion, heart, empathy and love. When we are truly experiencing self care, we are claiming it, allowing it, giving ourselves permission to experience a moment of calm so that we can turn off the guilt and truly BE for a moment’s time. It’s not what we “do” that has us feeling cared for by ourselves instead it’s how we “be."

Myth #5: We can just outsource for someone’s else’s definition and make ourselves fit into that box. 

Truth: So often in our culture of social media, we outsource for other people’s opinions. We ask our friends, “What do you do for self care?” or we google, Self Care. The answer for the formula that will have you feeling cared for by yourself. is within YOU. You do not need to outsource this one. You need to insource it!

So, your turn. What does taking care of yourself look like and feel like for you? If you really turn inward and investigate, when are the times that you feel seen and heard by yourself because those are the times that you are caring for YOU!

This Might Sound A Little Harsh BUT It Needs To Be Said

It's SOOOOO easy to avoid our personal practices.

Have you noticed?!

We set out with the best of intentions to take better care of ourselves, do our yoga, meditate every day. We know we need it so bad. We know it serves us. We know we feel better, more grounded, more alive, more connected to our best selves when we practice but, we just. don't. do. it. Life is busy and there's no room. We're so exhausted and depleted we just want to numb out when there's any room at all in our schedule. Watch a show, have a glass of wine, scroll Facebook.

These activities let us turn it all off for a bit but we don't necessarily feel better when they're over and in fact we may feel even worse. Brain dead, unproductive, disconnected, angsty, inner critic having a hey day with our choice of time use.

Again, we intend to take good care. To breath in the car on the way to pick up, to listen to that spiritual podcast that always connects us back to our energy, allow ourselves to feel our feelings and book that massage. And again, somehow we fall short. Fall off. Fall.

We talk to a friend and recommit, we hire that coach and recommit but somehow it feels impossible, like pulling teeth to write in our journals every morning, to make art even thought it's a spiritual experience every. dang. time.

So what's up? Why if these practices get us to feel better don't we want to do them?? Why do we avoid the depth and the personal time and space? Why do we fill ourselves SOOOO much that we can't connect inward? What are we avoiding???

Let me lay it down straight. There is NO ONE who can make you commit to yourself EXCEPT YOU. There is NO TIME in the future that will open up and give you more space and more ease to start practicing. THE TIME IS NOW. There is no "wrong" way to take care of yourself. You don't need to follow some formula to make this work. If yoga isn't your jam, then by all means, don't practice yoga. Infuse your creativity and your gut knowing and take FIVE minutes to connect with yourself. If you don't do it, IT WON'T GET DONE. If you want to do it and you say you're going to do it, GET STARTED. Be impeccable with your word to yourself.

I may sound harsh now and it's the only way I can figure out to say, connecting with ourselves feels like deeeeep ahhh, like the roots of the trees of us are being nourished and growing deeper. It's the only way I can figure out to say, YOU'VE GOT THIS, you're in charge here. NO ONE can do this for you or figure this our for you. That when you step bravely into the power of you and a daily form of connection with yourself, your days change, your moments change, your life changes and avoiding it any longer just isn't worth it. Avoiding you any longer, just isn't worth it.

Step bravely into the daily practice you've been saying you want to do this week.

I challenge you to an experiment. You know what it feels like NOT to practice some form of connection with you so this week, for the next five days, practice for just five minutes a day some form of daily connection with yourself. Feel your energy field, listen to your favorite song that takes you to connection land, play your HeadSpace App, dance in your living room, cry. For five minutes every day this week and then reflect how you feel about yourself and the week as a whole. Was it worth it to take those 25 minutes? Might you do it again next week?

The only thing standing in your way is YOU. The only way forward is also YOU.

Three Ways To Get Grounded In This Hectic World

It's SO easy to become ungrounded these days.

With internet signals buzzing everywhere, status points for being the busiest and one million choices and options for everything from how you like your coffee to what you'll do this weekend.

It's easy to get lost in the noise and the racing of our minds and all the thoughts and should's and possibilities. It's easy to become unseated in ourselves, racing through life, racing through love. Feeling flighty and headachy and anxious and angsty. At least that's how I feel when I'm ungrounded, untethered.

But feeling grounded feels SOOOO good. SO relieving. SO deeply rootsy and human.

When I'm grounded, I'm seated in myself and empowered. I'm sure about myself and listening inward. I'm calm and kind and confident.

I've had people lately ask me how I get grounded so I wanted to share some specific examples that you might take into your own life.

I invite you to pick one from the list below or see what practices these ideas trigger within you so you too can get and stay grounded this week.

1. My biggest focus lately has been paying attention to the sensations in my body. My relationship with my body has been surprisingly hard considering it's the home I've been given, the case I'm lodged in, the airbnb of my soul. My body has shown up for me in crazy strong ways throughout the years but I've also felt abandoned by it at times. Lately, I want to honor it all the way so I'll pause, feel where there is the most tension in my body and just hover my attention there for as long as I can, maybe 3 minutes or so. I'll then move on to another part of my body that's calling my attention and just simply hover my awareness there. I'm not doing this to get somewhere or something but it's deeeeeeply relaxing and connecting and grounding to hone in and be with where I'm really at.

What sensations might LOVE your attention this week? How might paying attention to yourself in this way help you feel grounded?

2. Allowing the earth to hold me. I recently felt a lot of energy swirling around in myself. I was needing to release but wasn't sure how within the confines of momming and wifeing and coaching and gardening and everything else. So, I took myself to the beach, found a spot that was calling my name, lay face down on mother earth and let her hold me. It didn't really matter that it was the beach, this practice can be done anywhere. I just surrendered and let the great mother of all hold all of me. I was needing to be held and I found a way.

The earth is where we come from, the greatest mother of all. Let her pulsing, ever changing, all knowing, all giving warmth hold you someday. Just feel her beneath you.

3. Structure. For me, structure brings freedom. When I can feel myself within the structure of a day or a week with a plan in place I feel a million times more grounded. When I see endless time and space and ideas and energy in front of me, I feel SUPER ungrounded. I like to create a container to flow in. A container of regularity. Within this space includes time with my little one (a lot of it!), time with myself, regular meals, work, being in nature, exercise, etc.

Where can you create a container for yourself so you're not just floating free through your days and weeks? When we feel held, we feel more connected to the ground beneath us.

Take off your shoes when you're outside, pick wildflowers, eat food from your back yard or a back yard nearby. Dig in the soil and study it. Plant something. Do anything to literally be in touch with the ground.

Notice the feelings that happen inside of you when you feel ungrounded. Are you angry and hungry? Are you flighty and inconsistent? When you shine attention on what's not working, you'll know when you need to make a shift. Play with ways of bringing yourself back into connection with the ground.

It is where we come from, it is where we're going.

Sooooo........what do you think? What's one way of finding the ground beneath YOU this week?

How To Finally Step Up Your Journaling Game In The Most Soothing Way Ever

Do you have a journaling practice? Or have you always wanted to have one but just aren’t quite sure where to begin?

Usually when I ask this question people have a surprisingly strong reaction.

They’ll say things like:

-I’ve been wanting to journal forever but…………….

-I love journaling but I never know what to write…………

-I used to journal and it was the best but I haven’t done it in so long.

-I do journal but feel like there's a way my journaling could be more powerful for me.

-I journal every now and again and love it but I don’t do it much.

I’ve noticed in myself after going through years of my own journals that year after year after year, I complained about the exact same things.  Reading back through them was actually depressing instead of insightful.  I noticed my same troubles kept cropping up in different circumstances.  I felt like I’d have big AHA’s in my journal but then I wouldn’t take any practical steps to make any changes in my day to day. It kind of seemed like I just sat there to write so I could complain.  Ughhhh.

Until now, now I’ve started taking an entirely new approach to journaling that soothes me like no practice I’ve ever tried before.  That meets me wherever I am at, comes off the page with me into my daily life and helps me feel more intuitive, grounded and connected to myself. Ahhhhhhh sweet relief!

Imagine having a being whose voice resides within you that loves you unconditionally, that makes you feel capable and enough and perfect just the way you are.  A benevolent voice that will gladly help you problem solve and give you strength when you feel stuck or low.

Sounds like a (maybe impossible) dream, right!?

Well, I’m here to tell you that voice exists within you and you can find her in your journal writing practice.  It can be as simple as meeting this part of yourself and allowing it the space to come into your life and take up residence.  Your journal is a perfect place to have this relationship bloom and blossom.

When we open to this part of ourselves, we begin to accept where we are at RIGHT now and feel present in our current lives instead of always trying to change things or want them to be different.  We often hope we can control something outside of ourselves for the answer or the change and that almost always comes up fruitless. A struggle I'm sure many of us are exhausted by.

When we open to this part of ourselves, we usher in love and compassion for ourselves in a new way.  And not just in the moment of writing in our journals but we’re able to maintain that attitude toward ourselves.

When we open to this part of ourselves, we feel lighter, more open hearted and more consistently kind to others.  We find more flow with ourselves so we can pay better attention to ourselves and stop neglecting our needs, wants, feelings and desires.

It can be scary to trust that this is possible.  It can be scary to tap into our highest selves and let them speak to and through us.  But our journals are the perfect safe and private place to allow this beautiful relationship to unfurl.

So we can either just put journaling off for another week or year.  We can keep telling ourselves we’re not good at it, keep complaining to ourselves in our journals for months on end allowing our inner critics to run our lives on and off the page.

Or and this is a big OR……………..

You can connect in with that all loving, benevolent part of yourself that wants to support you and love you and sees you in love at all times.  And you can call her onto your journaling pages.  We can try something new.  Something outside of complaining and fearing and wanting the world around us to be different.

Journaling with ourselves in a new way is a H U G E step to loving ourselves in a new way.

When we feel we have a fall back for when life gets hard, scary, overwhelming and/or we feel stuck, anxious and sad, we step into a new sense of confidence and new sense of possibility.

---

AND THE BEST NEWS OF ALL!!  This Thursday, June 29th my very own journaling course, Hearing From Your Heart begins!  I'll teach you how to connect with your inner best friend and start a practice that you can carry with you through your whole life. 

At this time only TWO SPOTS remain for the next round of Hearing From Your Heart a Journaling Journey!!  And it's literally only $137 to join!!

You will walk away from each call feeling connected to the other women in the group, inspired to care for yourself better, live in your integrity and be kinder to yourself.

And I'm SOOOO excited about this next upcoming session because now it's SUMMER and it's a time when Mama's and givers of every sort NEED and DESERVE that extra love and time set aside to care for themselves.

This journaling course is guaranteed to grant you that!

When you commit to yourself in this way you'll gift yourself with: 
~ Access to YOUR HIGHER SELF who will love you and bless you and teach long after this course is over. 
* FOUR LIVE coaching calls. 
* A group of inspiring women to share your journey with. 
* A private FB group to connect and ask questions in. 
* Journal prompts and thought/heart provoking questions to take you through your weeks. 
* Accountability to stick with your practices. 
~And did I mention a NEW RELATIONSHIP with your inner best friend (AND I PROMISE SHE'S IN THERE JUST WAITING FOR YOUR ATTENTION!!)

I can't wait to start it all up THIS THURSDAY, June 29th from 9:30-11:30am PST on Zoom a free online video conferencing platform.

And then continue on, THURSDAYS July 6th, July 13th and July 27th from 9:30-11:30am PST.

Remember though there are ONLY TWO SPOTS left and they are sure to get snatched quickly so if you feel an inkling of desire pulling at your heart strings, say YES to yourself and just simply email me at lexikoch@icloud.com.

I promise this will be a decision YOU WILL NOT REGRET.

The Simplest Trick For Feeling Better NOW

Frustrated.

Blaming myself. Beating myself up. Worried. Sabotaging. Regretting. All the things.

That's where I was at this morning. In the mix of it all. Coming down off of a weekend high. Landing in pessimism and the "what's wrong" with it all.

Yes, these mornings happen to me too. Yes, I fall victim to my inner critic and my grief. It's what makes me deep. It's what makes me "get it." The rawness and the vulnerability are my growing edge but this morning I was just in a bad mood and wanted someone to complain to.

That someone called me on the phone and I let it out. All the fears, all the blame, all the concerns, all the what if's................................

I mentioned that I knew what I was doing. Well aware of how easily I could have stopped beating myself up but I just wasn't ready yet. I just didn't want to!

In hearing me mention this, my dear sister instead said, "You're frustrated. You're allowed to be frustrated right now."

YES!!!!!

I AM FRUSTRATED. And naming it and allowing it made it allllllllllllllll ok. It made the incessant list making in my head slow down. I felt seen and heard and met. I repeated it silently to myself. I'm frustrated. I'm just frustrated right now. And I've watched myself shift into a new place over the last hour. I feel less upset, at fault, growly.

NAME IT.

It can seriously be that simple sometimes.

NAME IT.

Where are you at? You are 100%, whole heartedly, totally and completely allowed to be where you are at right now.

NAME IT AND ALLOW IT and watch it change.

Who's Hiding From You In Your Worst Moments?

What's the underlying, hidden thread that connects all of these scenarios?

GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER: Your friends or partner expect a lot of you. You're who they assume will take over when their kids are sick to step in, you're who they assume will drive when they have an appt and need a ride, you're who they assume will do the dishes after you have dinner at their house, you're who they assume will throw them a party for their bday, you're who they assume will soothe them through the constant drama in their lives. You can kind of get a sense of what's happening. They rely on you in ways that feel beyond mutual friendship and love. You might feel kind of used, or ignored, or stepped on. You might feel more like a servant than a friend. You notice you don't ask for much in return and what you would appreciate isn't really happening. 

It's not fun to be in these type of one way, sometimes toxic relationships. It can feel super disempowering and belittling. 

Often times, we wind up here because we believe this is all we deserve or that we "should" say yes all the time because it's how we stay safe or loved or protected.

LACKING CONFIDENCE: Scared of being wrong, afraid to say no, exhausted and overwhelmed with life in general. No confidence, no self esteem, no way of staying empowered but always looking around waiting for the reactions and responses of everyone else before responding. Waiting for life to happen instead of creating life to happen.

INDECISION: You need to go visit your family sometime soon but you're not sure when the right time is. You haven't taken any vacation days at work but you don't want anyone to get upset or feel slighted if you take time off. You don't want to put the burden on anyone else at your job either. And, you're waiting to see if your friend is really having that gathering she mentioned a while back and you're not sure which airline to take either. Your mom keeps asking when you'll be coming and you're just not sure what to even say. You kind of like going home but you also feel like all of your boundaries are invaded and you have no personal space when you're there. It's like you are suddenly 10 again even though you no longer live there. You don't want to stay in your old room but you feel awkward telling your parents your truth..........

So now..........what's the underlying thread that runs through every scenario here? I'll give you a clue, I'm the ultimate sleuth at finding this in people. And, most people don't even realize they've got one.

Yup, it's the inner critic! In each of these scenarios the struggle exists because the inner critic's voice is the loudest and strongest.

Lately, I've noticed I'm pretty much an inner critic whisperer. Most of us operate with this inner critic running the show but literally HAVE NO IDEA. Life can just feel draining and overwhelming and off. Let's sleuth yours out, shall we? Watch for times you're critiquing yourself or giving away your power and you'll meet your inner critic pretty immediately! Or, let's strike up a conversation with each other and I'll help you sleuth yours out in no time ;).

If It's Perfect, Why Can't I Say Yes!?

It was perfect. Everything we've been looking for in fact. Acreage for my extreme yearning for homegrown food and flowers again, A HOT TUB!!, the whole shebang.

But there was this voice inside that was saying, "that's not it, that's not it." Confusing, I tell you!

We've been on this home hunt for a while now. We've been searching and intending. Believing and manifesting. Calling in with faith and hopefully grace. And then, here was this opportunity. On paper it checked out but emotionally it didn't.

And we both felt that way. Something was off but it was impossible to name. It's scary. It's scary to trust my gut on this one. I hear my inner critic coming up with lots of doubt and despair now after I've courageously claimed my truth. My inner critic is having a field day in the midst of my experiment. But I'm committed. I want to see where this journey takes me. Because, if ME, someone who preaches about listening inward, gives up here and now, how can any of us be courageous enough to keep going and listening to the voice in our hearts who have this higher wisdom? So I'll keep going toward my higher self, toward a feeling that is resonant, toward a YES on heart, body and soul level.

I know many of you experience examples like this in your day to day. Where your life checks out so well on paper. All the boxes checked and appropriate. All the should's in place. Everything "should" feel good and be OK. But still it's just not. Something is still off. Something within is working to get your attention and lets you know almost daily or at least weekly that though on paper, it's all good, inside it's not. You're always overwhelmed or forgetting things. Living in a fog or in a state of low grade angst. Regularly living your life by the approval of your never ending, never approving to-do list.

Are you willing to listen in? Are you willing to pay attention? Are you willing to practice courage to find what is your match and your truth even though it's all working out on paper? Are you willing to hear what might be unheard as of yet in your heart?

I'm beginning to see what a sleuth I am. You know how sometimes when you're chatting with a girlfriend you can hear her issues and the solution SO OBVIOUSLY but she can't hear it or see it at all? That's the role I play with people's inner critics. I sleuth them out and introduce them to people who have been living with them forever but HAVE NO IDEA!!! I can tell you inner critic is why you might feel off everyday. Inner critic is why it's important to live what checks out on paper but not necessarily in your heart.

Can you begin to sleuth out a voice inside that's not even really your own? That loves to criticize you for taking care of yourself? For not doing enough? For not making enough? For setting boundaries? For being authentic and vulnerable? When you notice this voice, you clear the way for your gut, intuition, higher self to help you find resonance in body, soul and heart.

So I'll wish you luck in sleuthing out the voice that's keeping you "off" and wish me luck on following my heart guidance toward home sweet home.

What If It Really Was That Simple?!

I was overwhelmed and foggy. Forgetting things left and right.

A bit grumpy and just generally meh.

I was on my way to the car to go to weekly yoga class and had been rushing all day. Those few steps from house to car, the air hit me forcefully and my being longed to breathe more of it. I had been inside too much lately. I got in the car but heard a loud voice saying, air, air, air. So I got out, I ditched yoga, I breathed the evening air and walked.

I had listened to myself. That alone felt like the first step in the reclaiming of my needs and my voice and myself through the foggy week of overwhelm.

I walked on, still in a blur. I vowed not to look at or use my phone at all unless it got too dark and I needed a flash light. I called in my higher self and she with her ever present warmth and trust in me, just said "walk on." So I walked, silently opening to whatever was needed.

I wasn't demanding or forcing. I wasn't desperate for some answer or another. I just wanted to walk and to breathe. And in that breathing a tool found me. Yes, it found me because I was open. I imagined my bubble of energy around me. I let the room I take up feel spacious and light. The bubble stayed with me block after block after block. The word spacious just kept coming into mind. That was it. It was simple and it was enough.

This morning by the time work was beginning I noticed how spacious the day felt so far. Really there was nothing different about this morning in the family shuffle of get up, get the kid fed and perform his respiration therapy, make lunch, drink tea, etc. but somehow it just felt spacious and again my journey last night was affirmed.

And then today just keeps flowing. Flowing energy toward me instead of me shoveling energy out.

It was in that most simple act of pausing long enough to listen and then actually following through on what I was hearing from within that shifted a whole week's worth of energy for me. I heard "air" and was about to ignore it but instead I followed it. It wasn't some big event or cleanse or journey. It was a simple listening and honoring. Opening and allowing. It was easy and it was enjoyable.

So now it's your turn. What is your inner being trying to communicate with you? Are you willing to listen to it for a couple of minutes today or tomorrow? Are you willing to honor the message it has even though you're used to ignoring it or pushing it away for later? Are you willing to stop ignoring it and risk listening to it instead? Will you be open and invite in what you need instead of pushing and hefting the load up the hill one more day or week?

I challenge you to honor one of the sweet callings of your inner voice this week. I challenge you to follow it through like a child would. With complete openness, no expectation and a wondrous eye. Be open to what's in store for you without the plan or the list. Be open without the fog and grind. At least one time this week. Follow the call.

PS. If you're reading this and thinking, "well my inner voice doesn't ever say anything to me," then even more listen, look, notice, feel. See if you can find that voice somewhere hidden amongst the weeds. It's there, I 1000% promise you.

PPS. YOU'RE INVITED!! I just opened up the doors to my BRAND NEW VIRTUAL RETREAT. If you are ready to trust yourself, be kind to yourself and finally know that you are enough no matter what you are doing, this is your chance. Walk away connected to your higher self and your kinder self(together we'll figure out who that even is......she's in there for sure!!). Email me with any questions you have at all. All the details here.

The Damage From Being Seen Not Heard

I'm curious, were you allowed to have your full range of emotions in your home growing up??

Usually when I ask this question a very visceral, very immediate response comes to people. What comes to you?

The vast majority of people that I've met, were NOT in fact allowed their full range emotions. What I hear most often is:

-My sensitivity and artistic flair was looked down on.

-Feelings of hurt and sadness were not allowed to be expressed.

-I wasn't allowed to disagree, argue or discuss, rant, cry, shout, express anything much if it didn't fit in with my parents views.

- I was too emotional.

-I wasn't allowed to cry. That's how I learned to keep everything inside.

-Mine weren't but my mother's were.

I've noticed in my own life that a huge step that has gotten me from ruled by my inner critic, clenched, afraid and so sensitive I can barely function at times is to ALLOW my full range of emotions.

Imagine all of the keys on a piano. Every last one from deep bass to high pitched and gentle. Within you is just as many subtle and loud and diverse and singing emotions. Just as many ways of expressing you and your moment by moment, unique self.

What if we took those piano keys and only allowed one or two to ever play? The music would change dramatically and the unplayed keys would rust and become stuck. But when we allow them all, beautiful music is made. Music of a million varieties and sounds. Music of life.

It's the same with your emotions, when we only allow a very few, say Happy or Sad, the rest are there waiting to be expressed but rusting in the mean time. Our inner lives begin to rust and become stuck. Our inner critics become extreme and overly active keeping those many keys stuck and only those few operating.

When we open to the full range though, we are suddenly allowed. We can make the sweet and unique music of our soul. We can feel whatever we feel and be however we are without a classification of right or wrong. We step into self acceptance and permission. Our inner critics become quieter and our higher selves bloom and sing.

It can be scary though, to imagine letting in all the confusion that's been stored there and all the disappointment and all the regret and all the hope and all the enthusiasm and all the comfort. We haven't been taught and we haven't been allowed and so what if when we open that valve everything comes pouring out in a way that floods us and we can't turn it off?

Or what if the world around us doesn't know how to handle us because they only have their happy and sad keys playing?

We can "what if" ourselves into continual and endless stuckness. We can listen to the threats of our inner critics for the rest of our lives if we so choose.

OR and this is a BIG OR...........

We can day by day, feeling by feeling, experience by experience find out what it's like to name what's really happening for us within and find the tools and the safety to truly allow what's happening within us.

So here's a dare to you this week:

Find a moment of quiet to experience a feeling that's been trying to get your attention this week. Set your timer for one, just one, minute and allow yourself to whole heartedly feel what's there to feel. When your timer goes off after one minute, close the practice and see how you feel. This way you can not and will not uncork something that can flood you and you will be in the solitude and safety of yourself.

If a lot of "Oh, shit, that's totally me!" is coming to you from reading the above, feel free to reach out. One of my favorite experiences in my life right now is holding a loving and unconditional space for women who desperately need to allow themselves to feel what they REALLY feel. I've seen radical shifts in my clients from the process of truly allowing themselves all the way. Sign up here to begin a conversation.

She Has Me Living In Fear

You can be such a bitch.
You should have been more accommodating. 
You're going to majorly miss out.
You're just not well.

Yes, yes, yes.  The familiar rhetoric of my inner critic. When I believe it, I feel shameful and shitty.  Wrong and unworthy. 

Let me make sure we're all on the same page here about what the inner critic actually is.  You know that part of you that is saying and thinking things about you that YOU WOULD NEVER think, no less say, to ANYONE ELSE in the world?  Yup, THAT'S your inner critic.  That part of you that LOVES to show you that you aren't worthy of love or having your needs met, that you should be doing a ton more than you're doing, that you have made and will make tons of mistakes.  Sound familiar yet?

Yup, THAT'S your inner critic.

It's fair for me to say that there isn't a client (or really woman) I've met that doesn't have this inner critic voice LOUD and CLEAR in their experience most days.

I can hear it clearly when I hear my lovely clients saying things like "I should have gotten this done sooner but I'm so slow at everything." or "I did everything wrong.  I said the wrong things and acted the wrong way."  or "If I would just stop freaking out all the time, maybe I'd be able to handle this all better."

Why we think being cruel and belittling to ourselves is acceptable is really starting to baffle me.  When we believe the Stories of our inner critics we generally feel anxious, hunched, small, scared, much less than, way not good enough, wrong and unworthy.  

OK after reading that don't go get down on yourself for having this inner critic voice in YOU.  THAT WOULD JUST BE YOUR INNER CRITIC TALKING ANYWAYS!!! We ALL have it.  So let's start making peace with it now. We all carry around this ego that's trying to separate us and show us how much harder we need to try, how much smaller we should be, how much quieter we should tone down our needs.

As soon as I learned my inner critic, her voice and demeanor and the feel of her in my being, I noticed that I didn't necessarily have to listen to her in the same way anymore. 

I stopped taking everything that she had to say about me and to me for face value.  I started questioning her a lot more and I've seen some big shifts in me. Now when I'm feeling low, I actually look around my life for her and generally see what's happened to get me to this low point.  It's usually that some situation has occurred that I don't feel great about and my inner critic is there scaring the crap out of me and then I feel worse and worse and worse. 

This shift has me so at home in my body and my being.  My confidence and love for myself is at an all time high.  My trust in the flow and unfolding of my life is feeling amazing and I'm making many decisions based on what my inner compass says instead of my fears and doubts.

I want you all to be on the lookout for your inner critics this week.  You'll know yours is active when you feel "off," when you feel bad about your words or actions, when you want or need something but feel wrong for wanting or needing it.  When you put yourself down in any way at all.  

Be on the lookout and when you meet your inner critic, know it's just an old friend who you're ready to change your relationship with.  

Awareness is the first step to any transformation!

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According to Her I Suck In A Lot of Ways

We were driving home yesterday from a long day of taking our son to Children's Hospital.  At some point surrounding every one of those trips, my emotions kick in whether it's a bit of PTSD or fear or overwhelming, excruciating love.  Anyway, we're driving home and I'm taking pause in myself, trying to rest while my headache throbs.  I notice all of my thinking and work to quiet it all down.  It's a job I tell you.  I keep paying attention and then I lose focus and I'm wayyyyyyy the heck down the river with my thoughts.

I catch one.  I see what I've been doing.  I've been insulting myself. Showing myself what a fraud I am. I'm sitting there thinking about how untrue I am, how fake.  And my head throbs on.................

But I caught it and I know what to do from here.  I call in my higher self, the sweet, sweet soul that's got my back and loves me so thoroughly and believes in me so devotedly.  She trusts me that I'm doing the right thing.  She pours love at me not doubt and disbelief and guilt and shame.  She appears immediately when I call her in and she bows to me.  She bows and nods and bows again.  She reminds me I'm doing it all perfectly for me and that I remembered to call her in and that's a huge part of my success right now.

She bows and bows and bows.  I immediately stop judging myself and criticizing myself but rather believe her whole heartedly because it resonates. It FEELS true.

When I sat down to write this, I couldn't even remember the whole ordeal.  I had to sit here for a while to call it back.  **I had cleared it.**  Literally, all I could remember was the bowing and the nodding and the feeling that came with that affirmation.

How often are you catching yourself hanging out with your inner critic?  How often are you paying attention to the root of your exhaustion and anxiety and fear and feelings of judgement?  How often do you catch it so you can shift it and really know yourself and what is going on within you?

So two things:

**1.** We won't be able to change it if we don't even know what's happening.  So for the rest of today, PLEASE pay attention to your thoughts.  PLEASE pay attention to your inner mean girl.  She's actually not that hard to catch once you're looking for her.  What does she say to you?  What threats and insults does she use?

**2.** When you catch her, know that at one point she came along to PROTECT you.  She kept you in line and kept you safe in whatever situation you found yourself.  So she's not someone that we want to exile.  We just want another option at hand for when she comes in.  One that is more in tune and more representative of your intuition and your heart and where YOU really are at TODAY!

I want to introduce you to a way to meet YOUR HIGHER SELF, the part of you that will bow and nod to you a second after you catch yourself insulting yourself (I mean, pretty amazing, right!?).  Yes, you do have to give me your email to get the gift from me, but in exchange this gift has the power to truly and finally alter the relationship with yourself.  Here's the link.

I'm seeing that this is the way in for my people.  This is the key that unlocks a new door for people's journey and I WANT TO SHARE IT.  I want to SPREAD IT.  I want you to have this audio and these reminders from me.  I want you to experience a benevolent soul bowing at you and nodding at you and loving at you even when another part of you is showing you how wrong and stupid and worthless you are.

I'm Tired of Fear Telling Me I'm Not Lovable

I generally start with fear.

Fear that I'm not good enough to succeed.
Fear that I'm fucking up my child.
Fear that I'm not lovable and beautiful enough to be worthy of the love I'm shown.
I get a compliment and on the outside I'm grateful and inside I either ignore or disagree......immediately.  It sucks.

Can you relate?!

But I'm done.  I'm catching it all. I'm catching it in a new context.

I can see now how all of this self degradation separates me.  That I decide in me I'm separate, I'm different, I'm awkward, I'm less than every time I do this.  I've come to see how this separation is my EGO.  And I'm done.  I don't need to be separate, in fact let me take as many steps as I can every single day to stop separating but rather to connect.

For years now, I've intended to LIVE from LOVE.  I do in fact achieve that intent in lots of ways.  Two decades ago, I created a sticker that said LIVE LOVE and handed it out every chance I got.  Over the years, the meaning has become more and more clear to me.  Each time I learn a new aspect of myself it clicks and I get LIVE LOVE even more.

Today here's how I see it.  I can either LIVE SEPARATION (EGO) or LIVE LOVE (INTUITION/HIGHER SELF/HEART).  When I catch myself in the process of separating myself to prove to myself how not enough I am of this or that, I pause and connect with my higher self.  Always, always, always, always, there is a soft place there waiting to catch me with benevolence and.......l o v e.  It literally can take 20 seconds in the middle of a conversation with my husband (clearly we spend a lot of time together as I'm always referencing him these days) to catch how I'm internally putting myself down, separating myself from him or love or other and reshape the conversation.

When I allow my higher self, my kinder self to show me that I am in fact lovable somehow I believe it.  When I quiet the EGO that's been around and loud for so long and I don't try to believe what's true about me from others around me, I truly and wholly drink it in and start to believe.  It's soothing.  It's safe.  It's life changing.

If you don't have this direct line to love open yet inside of you I just created a new resource for you guys.  It's an audio recording and five daily journal prompts for you to meet your higher self and begin to connect with her.  Meet your higher self HERE. 

If you already know how to access that soft place within you, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!  Use that resource. The more you invite her in, the LOUDER she will get and the more space she will take up.  Practice is what strengthens EVERYTHING, right?!

Choose LOVE as many times as you can everyday!

If you have friends that you know can benefit from this resource please share this audio tool with them.  I want as many women as possible connecting with their higher selves and hearts as possible.  It's one of the main reasons I'm here.  Just copy this link:  www.lexikoch.com/meetyourhigherself and share it in an email with your peoples!

4 Hard Lessons I Learned Last Year

2016 was not easy for me. It pushed me and pulled me in every direction inside myself. It challenged me and made me continue to look with brutal honesty at myself.

So as we transition to 2017 I want to be candid and vulnerable and share with you some of the truths from my last year. I truly believe some of our darkest times can be the richest in learning opportunities. I'm always learning a lot and open to continuous growth. It's what keeps me thriving and keeps me showing up for my clients with depth and intuition.

So here goes.............(Confession: I just got a chocolate chip cookie for power to help me keep writing.)

Asking for help will make it better. 

We left our community of fifteen years this year. We left our 13 acres. The round house on the hill we had built with our own hands and visions. We left our dear, dear neighbor family members (that chokes me up just writing it). We left our fertile soil whose gifts we had been eating for over a decade. It's been B I G to say the least. 

Before we were leaving I needed to gather with my sisters. When our son was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at two weeks old, a life threatening genetic disease, I crumbled yet still had the veneer that I was OK. It took me over FOUR years to get help in my home even though I desperately needed it. I couldn't ask for help!! 

But then we were leaving and I needed my sisters. I needed to know they saw my struggle and my triumph, that they had my back no matter what side of the mountains I lived on. So I asked. I asked my dear sister if she would hold a circle for me. I had to ask because if I didn't a space would be empty that needed filling. Because if I didn't, I'd have not honored my truth. 

The circle was EPIC. I'm not sure I've ever felt more wealthy than the days after it. I carry it in my heart like the best investment I've ever made. I meet new friends here in this port side town and I carry the strength of my sisters and my asking with me in a kind of confidence I've never displayed before.

Lesson: Ask, ask, ask for what you need.

I have the tools it takes to calm my sensitive nerves: 

I am a sensitive one! Always have been but only allowed myself to own it in the recent past. What I mean by sensitive is that I can majorly feel the energy of those around me. I'm affected by the energy at times more than I want to be. Since my son was born, my nerves have been on OVERDRIVE. My sensitivity has become almost defining at times. But this year, 2016, this was the year that I allowed myself to embrace my sensitivity. To name it. To allow it. This was the year that when my sensitive self got triggered I would tell myself that I have every tool I need to calm my sensitive nerves. And that was truly soothing and helpful. And it was entirely true. I watched as my fear of my sensitivity faded and my seeing it as my gift expanded.

Lesson: Embrace your unique qualities that might seem negative but need your tender, loving care.

Setting boundaries is liberation.

I finally figured out how to set boundaries. How to even listen to myself clearly enough to know what boundaries need setting. My kind brother was coming for a visit to see us in this new town on the sound. It was kind and it was generous of him to take this time and spend his money and prioritize us in that way.

But......I knew my sensitive nerves would not bode well with a houseguest at that time. I wanted the visit to be fun and I wanted to be my best.

So I found him a place to stay and let him know that that's what could work for us. Up until then, it had been assumed that he'd be sleeping on the office floor. 

It was hard to make that phone call to him and state my true need. But I'll tell you it was MUCH easier than pretending I wasn't anxious about his coming and staying. And it was a GREAT visit. Because I had set that boundary and honored myself. 

I knew what to do but in the past I likely would have been too scared to enact it because of my fear of judgements and not being "nice." I was finally nice to myself and my inner voice and it was truly an example to be repeated again and again!

Lesson: Listen in and know whatever you hear is easier to listen to than ignore.

Wherever you go there you are. 

From farmer lady to town dweller, I've extended the labels I've known myself as pretty vastly this year. It's comfortable to live in our identities, wife, mama, friend, daughter, etc. but it's not who we truly are on the inside. 

I've had to let a lot of that go this year and find out what values carry for me and what fears carry for me wherever I live, whatever I see out my window and whoever I spend my days with. 

Shockingly, it's been easier than I thought. I feel comfortable in my own skin and received and seen. I feel powerful through my presence not my doing. 

I've felt enriched. 

But it remains true that I wasn't farming all those years for my ego. I was doing it from a core value place that fills a longing in my soul. I'm meant to tend and toil. I'm meant to grow beauty and health and share. And this year, I've barely gotten to and it's been hard. 

And it remains true that I'm sensitive and that being alone triggers me and freedom calls to me and I need to create as often as possible. And finding my way through all of that while trying to ground and find my feet and my son's flow and my hubby's flow has challenged me. 

But I've risen to the challenge. I've struggled but I'm proud of where and who I am.

Lesson: I bring me with me wherever I go. I trust my inner voice and the needs it states because it knows no matter where I am.

Thanks for reading and being on this journey with me. What challenged you but had you growing this last year?

Stepping Into Confidence and Knowing

So much to celebrate and ponder and give thanks for. So much to navigate, experience, question. Solstice energy, holiday energy, family of origin, chosen family. Isolation, connection. So much depth this time of year.

It is a ritual in our culture to ponder the year past and intend into the year future. But let's not do it unless we're going to do it all the way and take full responsibility for ourselves, claiming what we were and claiming where we're going. Because, I mean really, what's the point of making a "resolution" for a minute and then letting it drop the next?

So I'm here to provide you with some guidance to look inward to help you gain a vision of where you want to head.

My husband and I are in the process of manifesting our new homestead and we have fun hanging out pretending like it's already ours. We talk about how much we love all the details we're dreaming of and we give thanks and enjoy like we've already manifested it. It's powerful stuff and even if it never comes to fruition, we're enjoying the now by acting like we already have all we want.

As I walk into this next year, I know it continues to be my job to honor my core value of connection. To fill my own cup as I fill others. To speak from truth and meet others with empathy in all situations. I vote with my dollar without compromise. I respect my sensitive nerves and treat them as such.

This whole intending thing doesn't have to belittle us or show us what we're not enough of. It can celebrate us and be enjoyable too.

So here goes.......................... 

What are you celebrating?

What have you accomplished this year, both big and minute. Let's not replace our accomplishments with lists of what we have to do next but truly take the time to write down at least 10 things that we have already accomplished.

What do you have in your life already that you want more of?

What do you have already that you are truly grateful for? Truly proud of? Truly having a better life because of?

Take the time to celebrate, honor and recognize what's working already.

What are you willing to do feel the way you want to feel?

What and how do you want to feel? And from there, what will you do to honor that truth within yourself and follow it into creation?

What are you willing to give up? What are you willing to claim? What support will you need to acquire for yourself? What questions will you need to ask?

You are the tender steward of your life.

It is your job to notice where you are out of alignment and to make the necessary shifts to get yourself back on track. As you think about all of the beauty that you want to create in your life, ask yourself honestly about what you are willing to do to make those dreams and prayers a reality.

What are you ready to let go of that no longer serves you?

Release release release.

What's toxic in your life that you keep around entirely based on "should's?" What answer came to mind immediately that you then stuffed back down because it seemed too far fetched or selfish?

What might it look like if you did release what isn't working? Who could you be?

What will your happiest day look like?

Now play the game of acting like that day is happening today and start saying out loud about how amazing today already is. How great all your dreams coming to fruition feel. FEEL AS IF. ACT AS IF. It's a really fun game!

Here's What I Should Do.........

Here's what I should do:

I should be eating every two hours, be happy being a stay at home mama with time with my little, I should be happy for all the gifts I have and stop worrying so much about the future. I should be growing more food and driving less. I should be connecting with my friends and able to go out at night more easily. I should be hiking and out in the rain because the sun's shining above the clouds.

But what if all the should's reverberate in me in a resounding NO and I realize I've picked up all these ideas from everyone else and their values and their ideals and their SHOULD'S?

What if I realize that when I do my SHOULD list I feel like crap inside myself and I wind up anxious at night and triggered?

What if I need this time alone to be OK and to be in my own flow? What if being inside even on this Saturday is OK for me even when it hasn't been ever before?

What if the should's I've been basing my life on are lies for me?

What if I step into what I know to be true right now............

I know that my nerves are extra sensitive and it takes extra sensitive care to tend them. I know that the two hours our beloved babysitter comes on Thursday afternoons is reverence and space, is recharge and fuel. I know that I'm in transition and that I've done a lot and I'll do more to meet my values and it's OK to not meet every one right this moment.

I know that walking the length of the beach with my earbuds in is healing.

I know that evening practice helps me sleep better and that chai picks me up on the days I'm lagging both physically and emotionally.

I know what I've left and I know what I'm moving toward.

I know that I have to listen to ME, ME, ME to figure out my unique code and way of being on any given day even though I'll want to consult my sister-in-law, naturopath, coach, friends and maybe even the internet.

I know that I work best making decisions later so I know how I'm feeling THEN and can act accordingly.

Living my life according to the should's was clench, tighten, squeeze, restrict, mold, overachieve, overwork, outside myself.

Claiming my needs and my voice no matter who I'm with or what I'm up to (and YES this can look subtle, gentle and safe) is expand, take flight, become magnetic, create, unfold, spacious, breath, ME.

Your unique code is waiting inside of you. It's beyond the Stories you've picked up along the way. Beyond trying to fit in and be OK in others' eyes. It's not OUT there. I PROMISE YOU. It's IN there. It's in the things that bring you joy and safety and wellness. They are yours only and that is truly OK. To express your needs can and will be OK when YOU and only YOU give yourself permission for them to be OK. When you listen to the gut voice inside of you and give it space in your day to day to day. When you feel resonant instead of resistant, you'll know.

Your should's keep you uncomfortable in your comfort zone, your needs comfortable and growing. Your should's keep you saying yes to your boss, your dad, your brother, your husband, your coworker. Your needs let you have a voice in the decision.

It's your turn now. Open up your journal or a blank doc and list them out: 

1. YOUR SHOULD'S first.

2. YOUR TRUE, HEART RESOUNDING, INNER GUIDED NEEDS second.

It's your choice now to decide how to proceed.

How To Start Speaking Your Truth Today

I can't even tell you how many conversations I've had lately that end with the conclusion that either myself or who I'm talking to is afraid to be vulnerable.

What does the word vulnerable even mean to you? 

How do you feel inside when you consider acting vulnerably in your life?

Here's some ways that the fear of vulnerability might be showing up in your life: 

-Fear of failing so not even beginning. 

-Fear of feelings that are too big so stuffing down all the feelings. 

-Fear of being judged so making up hurtful stories in our own heads about how others are judging us. 

-Fear of being imperfect so painting a glossy picture on the outside while majorly struggling on the inside.

I LOVE what Brené Brown has to say about vulnerability, she says " it is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change."

and

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”

She notes that when other people act vulnerably, we are drawn to them. Try to think of a time recently when someone let you in deeply and truthfully to a struggle they were having or an embarrassing moment they experienced. Did you feel more or less drawn to them? Generally, people answer that they feel more drawn in and more empathic.

Now imagine a time recently where you made a mistake or needed to say no but were afraid to. Were you able to share those experiences with others or did you stuff them down and deal with them yourself? If you stuffed them down, you might be struggling with a fear of vulnerability. If you shared, how did it feel? Was it scary but worth it? Did you feel better or worse afterwards.

Generally, we are so drawn to vulnerability in others (because it helps us know we're all human, right!?) and terrified of letting ourselves be seen as vulnerable.

But connecting in vulnerability is one of the fastest ways to: 

- allow our higher selves some space in the day to day of our lives. 

-speak our truths. 

-get our needs met. 

-honor our feelings. 

-move into a space of emotional health.

I want to offer you one tool to use to start practicing a bit more vulnerability today. The next time you have a truth that you want to express but feel scared to, (aka: are ready to practice courage) speak your truth by leading with a feeling.

Whenever we start a sentence with "I'm feeling (scared, tired, vulnerable, worried, excited, anxious, nervous, called, surprised, etc, etc., etc.)" it opens us to vulnerability is a very safe and effective way. We keep the focus on ourselves. We take 100% responsibility for ourselves. We share a feeling. We allow our feelings. It's one simple but H U G E step you can start practicing right away.

So the next time you open a conversation with yourself or another that feels a bit out of your comfort zone, take a breathe to find out what feeling you are bringing to the conversation and try leading with this, "I'm feeling (you fill in here)." And then from there go on to state what's going on with you. It's so simple and so radical. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.