Women Who <>GIVE<>GIVE<>GIVE<>(and still take care of themselves): #5 Lara Heacock
In this interview series, we'll hear from powerful women who give, give, give. In our short chats together we discuss how they are giving of their hearts to this world AND how they take care of themselves in the midst of all that output.
Each woman has some special tips for you to apply to your own life as you pour your heart into your life's purpose.
Lara Heacock from www.kindovermatter.com has undergone her own transformation from the strong one holding everyone else up, determined to maintain the image that she had everything perfectly under control, and could do it all to being kind to and taking care of herself, and seeing EVERYTHING change because of it.
Today learn about:
<> How she goes from overwhelm to a really centered place with her easy to implement self care tips.
<> Why big steps are the enemy of progress
<> How even if you don’t believe it, that putting you somewhere on your list will change your life.
<> How Lara is still successful and very busy but also feels better because she trusted and acted as if.
We’d love to hear what ideas in this video might be useful for you in your own life in the comments below. Enjoy!!
Guest Post
Finding Peace and Fulfillment through Connection to YOU
By Addie K. Martin
Hi, I’m Addie K Martin, and I’m excited to be here with you today. I’m a writer and a part-time life coach who focuses on helping women find peace and comfort in meaningful connections — not only interpersonal connections with other people, but also (and more importantly!) connection with the self, the personal connection. Today I’m focusing on self-connection and the part that plays in a meaningful life.
Over the course of my work, I’ve found that it's essential to start with self-connection. A meaningful connection with yourself is essential to creating satisfying connections with others.
If you aren’t attuned your own needs, wants, and desires (the basis for self-connection), then you’re not yet in the best position to experience meaningful connection with others. The good news is that with some effort and the desire to create that connection, you can embark on the self-connection path any time.
For me, the journey to self-connection came a little later in life. I spent my teens, 20s, and most of my 30s not realizing that I didn’t have much of a self-connection. My weight had shot up over the course of several years, and my happiness had taken a slow, but steady, dive.
Being fed up with all of this, I finally began to soul search because something needed to change. Shortly thereafter, I realized the problem: I’d always assumed I had some type of self-connection, but the truth was I didn’t know what that meant.
Now I know what a healthy and thriving self-connection looks like. Naturally, it’s different for everyone, and for me, it mainly looks like taking time for exercise, paying attention to what I eat and drink, and being mindful of my thoughts. Also, being aware of and in touch with my feelings was a huge break through for me.
Further, this change isn’t something that happens overnight. In fact, I’m still in the middle of my transformation, but I already see its effects on my life. Because I’m paying more attention to what’s happening, I notice myself having more to give to those who are important to me.
When you’re living a connected life, peacefulness, happiness, and contentedness become more accessible to you. Your senses of peace and well-being increase.
Further, with deliberate practice and patience, you can grow a deeper bond with yourself.
Just like friendships and partnerships take time to mature and develop, so goes the self relationship. At first you might not even feel as though you like yourself much. That’s okay if that’s where you are because as you deliberately get to know yourself, you learn to better understand yourself. Get curious and take the opportunity to discover and explore.
If you’re feeling disconnected or longing for peace and satisfaction in life, start by checking on your self-connection. Are you in-tune with your feelings, desires, and needs? If the answer is anything other than a firm YES, take time to dig into these things. Strengthen the bond with yourself. Think more about what you want and what you need. Learn to take comfort in your own company.
It’s vital to delve into this process to develop meaningful relationships and connections with those who are important to you. You’re worth the effort, and I’m sure you’ll agree that those people are worth the effort as well. In the end, there’s nothing to lose and happiness, peace, and comfort to be gained.
Find Addie at:
The Women Who ~GIVE~GIVE~GIVE~ (and still take care of themselves): #4
In this interview series, we'll hear from powerful women who give, give, give. In our short chats together we discuss how they are giving of their hearts to this world AND how they take care of themselves in the midst of all that output.
Each woman has some special tips for you to apply to your own life as you pour your heart into your life's purpose.
Cailen is a a clarity coach for women. She helps them get really clear on what they desire in their lives + businesses and then create a thoughtful plan of inspired action to get there.
She has worked with 1000's of women to help them get on a clear path to success. She also has a 16 month old daughter at home. Clearly she gives a lot.
Today, learn about:
<> What happens when Cailen becomes rigid like she's wearing metal armor.
<> Little ways to keep yourself on the list even with a little one at home.
<> Giving yourself permission to keep evolving.
We’d love to hear what ideas in this video might be useful for you in your own life. Enjoy!!
What Would You Do With All The Confidence In the World?
You’ve finished taking yet another course. I mean really, you’ve been studying this stuff all your life. When you were little, you always felt a connection with plants. It was something deep and innate inside of you. Your whole life you’ve noticed them in ways no one around you did. You’ve believed in their healing powers forever. That’s why you treat your family with herbal medicine whenever possible, and it works! You know what you’re doing. Or………do you?
You’re friends and family seem to get great results when you give them tips and wisdom but you’re still not sure you have quite enough knowledge collected to help just anyone. I mean, what if someone wants help with something you have no idea about? Or what if you freeze and don’t know what to say?
Really, who do you think you are claiming to be the expert here?
I’ll tell you who you are, you are a sensitive soul who knows enough and has learned enough and has enough confidence and intuition and brains to do anything you want in life.
You just need a little help believing that yourself.
You’re hiding behind your cloak of fear of putting yourself out there because the minute you do, you become vulnerable. Vulnerable to feedback, judgment, criticism and hey, maybe even huge accolades, gratitude and changing people’s lives!
Your excuses about being too introverted, not being well-read enough, or about it not being the right time are limiting mindsets that are keeping you stuck. At this point you have two options, right?
Option #1: Keep your passion as a hobby and work your day job,
Or
Option #2: Break through the limiting beliefs that you aren’t this or that enough to do what you love and do best.
I get it. I’ve worked with many, many women who are breaking free from old beliefs within themselves so they can finally live who they really, really are in their hearts.
I’ve supported stay at home moms who turned into extremely joyful professionals and professionals turned into joyful stay at home moms. I’ve seen women go from an empty client roster to a full one just by shifting the language and energy they put into the world about themselves and their businesses.
In fact, I’ve done and continue to do this work on myself.
As I’ve explored for myself and worked with others, I’ve been able to pinpoint some ways that smart, well-educated, intuitive and sensitive women get stuck in these limiting beliefs, and what to do about it.
#1: Add to your confidence account. By taking courageous action (meaning acts that scare you but you do them anyway) on a daily basis you build up your confidence account so you can debunk your own stories.
#2: Look at situations that you label as “failures” and re-name them, “case studies.” Study them and glean everything you can from them. When you use your failures as opportunities for growth so you can do it better next time, you become less afraid and more masterful in yourself.
#3: Ask yourself in each situation, “Will this choice help or hurt my confidence?” Walk boldly toward the situations that will help your confidence.
#4: Paint yourself a mental (or physical) picture of where you want to be in six months from now in terms of pursuing your goals. Go into as much detail as you possibly can. What will it FEEL like to be living into your potential? What circumstances will be true for you? Dream BIG here. Go all the way and then take action steps starting today that lead you toward that vision. Check in with how you are spending your time and see if it is leading you toward that vision.
Most of the time, a few simple tweaks of your mindset and how you manage your confidence account will make a huge difference in how you live your life and your dreams.
Stressed and Overwhelmed and Need to Know How to Admit It?
I’ve met you before, (in fact you are just like me and most of my friends) you want everyone in your life to feel happy. You want to be sure you are thoughtful toward your mother-in-law, pack the right lunch for your kid, not make a single mistake at work and have a nutritious dinner for your family at the right time, on the table at night. Oh and then there’s your social media account and the volunteer thing you said you’d do. Oh yeah and your husband wants some intimate time with you like yesterday.
You’re running on empty but, you’re still running.
Well, of course you are tying to do all of that. I mean, look at everyone around you. They’re all pulling it off without a hitch. Most of your friends are professionals and moms and half of them even have their own gardens and triathlon schedules.
But, you do catch yourself wondering at times if you can keep this up. You’ve noticed that your patience with your little one is waning by the day. Instead of hanging at the beach like you used to on your prized days together, you notice you snap a lot more often and a lot faster. You’re yelling and you didn’t used to. You’re on your phone a lot, partially to keep up and partially to numb out from trying to keep up. The beach is starting to sound far and like too much work so you just head to the local park, again.
You’re freakin’ exhausted. Like pretty much every day. It’s a lot and you wonder what’s gonna happen to you and your family if you let one thing slip?
Did you know it’s normal that you might be feeling overwhelmed given the circumstances? Did you know that even if you don’t, I DO give you permission to feel like it’s too much and to even feel angry and angsty sometimes?
Maybe the women around you are keeping up but maybe, YOU’RE NOT. You might be wanting to take a beat to assess how the hell you’re going to keep juggling this many balls and not end up an angry, old, stressed out, forgetful lady.
I want you to know I give you permission to take that beat. I give you permission to read this article in search of the answer of how to admit that you're overwhelmed.
Imagine that just from admitting you have too much on your plate to carry at one time, you go from frenzied and mad to enjoying entirely, with your phone on airplane mode, that moment on the beach with your little one. You build that sand castle with her as she giggles and the wind blows her curls gently. The sun is so warm on your face it feels healing. You are with her 100% for the moment and it is enough for both of you.
Imagine from admitting your overwhelm, you begin to set little goals for yourself that feel achievable and they are just for YOU. Each day you start with one minute of jumping jacks and you know throughout the day that you’ve accomplished that heart rate rising moment for you. And it gives you a little boost of energy and chutzpa in a needed moment of doubt.
You start to figure out the little ways that you can recognize when you’re getting to that point of anger and stop it within you before it unleashes on others.
You start to know yourself well enough to say no to adding another thing on your plate. And, you feel well enough to connect intimately with your partner more regularly.
The change is at your fingertips. Admitting your overwhelm is the first step.
Women who GIVE,GIVE,GIVE: Interview Series Video #3
Today we get to hear from Caroline Leon from Life is Limitless. A generous woman who gives, gives, gives but always takes time to care for herself first.
"I don’t do obligations any more, I gave them up. I don’t think they serve me or the other person. When I go to places out of a feeling of obligation, I don’t show up as my best self. This way when I do show up, they get the best of me."
In this interview series, we'll hear from powerful women who give, give, give. In our short chats together we discuss how they are giving of their hearts to this world AND how they take care of themselves in the midst of all that output.
Each woman has some special tips for you to apply to your own life as you pour your heart into your life's purpose.
Today, we get to talk to my friend, Caroline Leon from Life Is Limitless. She is a transformational life coach whose philosophy is pretty simple:
* Challenge the definition of success that you’ve been exposed to and then define your own.
* Everything in life comes down to two things: Love and Fear. Always try to choose Love.
* When you feel like you have no choice. Remember that there is always another way.
* Just because everyone else is doing something doesn’t mean that you have to do it.
* When you let go of fear and take full responsibility for your life, life IS limitless.
She helps people to let go of all that is stopping them from living out their greatest dreams and courageously building a life that they feel excited and passionate about.
Check out our chat and get some ideas for yourself on how to refill your cup so you can give from a place of overflow instead of empty:
You can find Caroline as www.LifeisLimitless.com
And the book, The Dark Side of the Life Chasers: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004BDP05C/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1
Women On A Mission: Interview Series #2
In this interview series, we'll hear from powerful women who are on a mission. In our short chats together we discuss how they are giving of their hearts to this world AND how they take care of themselves in the midst of all that output.
Each woman has some special tips for you to apply to your own life as you pour your heart into your life's purpose.
Next up, Sara Cameron. Sara focuses on relationships; the relationships between people (in a couple for instance) and the relationship people have with themselves. If we want to change something in our life, we need to start with the relationship we have with ourselves. A healthy "self-relationship" is the solid foundation to beginning any change, or creating any possibility.
You can find Sara's TEDx talk at: https://youtu.be/II_Qyf0Vw9g, and her website: www.SplendidBeing.com
Four Steps to get you Unstuck from a Nagging Issue in Your Life
Is there something happening right now in your life that feels like a big PROBLEM?
A problem at work or with a family member that you keep turning over and over in your mind but can never really make headway on a solution or resolution?
I’ve got an idea.
Turn the problem into a character. Sounds random, huh?
But stick with me. Spend a moment thinking through the situation that is happening in your life. Who are the players, what are the feelings involved for YOU. Take a moment to really feel into this situation. If you were speaking to me, what feelings would you tell me you were having? Might be frustration, sadness or even neck pain, aching heart. Whatever comes up for you is totally valid.
Step 1: Close your eyes and let yourself turn one part of the situation into a character. This might be you, the other person or the situation as a whole. You might be wildly surprised to find out that if you give it a minute this will come really easily to you.
Note: When doing this exercise with clients they have come up with characters ranging from a mouse to a dog to Chewbacka to a squirrel to a ball and chain. It doesn’t at all matter what it is, just know whatever you come up with represents something to you.
Step 2: Spend a second with that character. What is it? What does it do? What is shaped like, what color, what smell, big, little? Does it move or stay still?
Get to know it as best as you can.
Step 3: Apply the character to the problem or situation you are dealing with. Why is it showing up now? What does it tell you about how you are showing up to the situation? What knowledge does it have for you?
Step 4: See how the character is interacting with the problem and really what the character is needing right now. What’s funny about the character?
Ok, you can step out of the visualization. Even if in this moment you are not having big AHA’s doing this exercise, I can bet within the day you will start to see why this character is showing up for you and what it has to teach you. Stay open to it and learn all you can. It showed up for some reason when you asked it to.
Please, please, please feel free to ask me any questions about this exercise or your specific experience in the comments. I’d be happy to work through it with you to help you gain more understanding.
What the bl#$p is Self Care? Five Practices to get you started today
Self care is actually putting yourself first. Well, at least for part of the day. Ok, even a minute or two of the day adds up. Self care is knowing that your needs are just as important as those of your family members, your co-workers, your community, your job.
Take that in for a moment…...
Your needs are just as important as the needs of all those around you. In fact, there is plenty of room for all of our needs.
Taking care of your own needs is the same thing as self care. And the thing about taking care of your own needs is that it actually improves the quality of your own life and therefore the quality of life of everyone around you.
You might be asking, “What does that even mean? To improve the QUALITY of my life?”
It means that you have more inspiration, you play more often, you do things that you love to do. That when you do those lovely things, you’re so wrapped up in the moment, you’re so invested in what you’re doing that nothing else exists for you - that’s how you increase the quality of life, that’s a big part of self care.
What does it really mean to implement this on a day to day? Here five ideas for you to implement right away. Choose one or two to start tomorrow.
#1: Spend two minutes sitting - only two minutes- feeling your body. Feel inside your body. Feel what is going on in there. There is blood moving, veins pulsing, cells reproducing, digestion happening, there might be pain. Just go to the sensations and be with them, nothing more, nothing less. Two minutes.
#2: Start a daily morning journal. You can get one on my website for FREE. You’ll find it at the top of the website. It asks you six simple questions. What are you grateful for today? What do you intend to get done today? What do you want to say to yourself today? Simple things that can change the outlook of the whole day by starting from a place of purpose and carving out those five minutes in the morning. This way when you look at your to -do list you know what you have already committed to getting done and what you know is ok to skip for now.
#3: Turn on your favorite music at the end of the day. It doesn’t matter if your family’s home or your roommates are home. Music can feel good for everybody. Turn it on and allow your body to feel it. Use all the space you have to move your body and have fun. It feels so good.
#4: Go for a L O N G walk. Pretend you have nowhere to be. Don’t bring your clock. No clocks allowed. If you get too in your head when you’re walking, find an awesome podcast to listen to. Some ideas: The Moth, This American Life, Dear Sugar, Big Magic, Tara Brach. If that sounds too cumbersome like you don’t want to be processing any information, just go. Let yourself experience the place that you’re walking. See who else is there, smell how it is there. See what textures and shades of each color are there. If you can’t get out of your head, go farther or go harder. Both help tremendously.
#5: Line out some really great meals for yourself this week. Choose 2 or 3. Decide ahead of time what you’re going to make and spend time in the fresh produce section of your local store buying what you know you’re body wants. Then, spend time cooking what you know your body wants and your body deserves. Experience the colors of the food you buy and the smells that are crafted as you cook yourself a wholesome meal. Acknowledge your accomplishment.
These are just some ideas. These help explain what the bl$#p self care is. Little acts that help you know that your needs are just as important as everybody else around you.
Take a moment right now and think, “What are my needs?” For so many people, that’s such a baffling question, they don’t even know where to begin. If ANYTHING comes to mind for you, consider actually listening to it and actually starting to honor it. You might have a lot of ideas that aren’t on the list above. The simple act of honoring your own needs is self care.
I’d love to hear what your ideas and practices are so please do share with me…..
Women on a Mission: Interview Series
I'm thrilled to announce the launch of my new interview series.
We'll hear from powerful women who are on a mission. In our short chats together we discuss how they are giving of their hearts to this world AND how they take care of themselves in the midst of all that output.
Each woman will have some special tips for you that you can apply to your own life as you pour your heart into your life's purpose.
First up, Rosalee de la Foret, well known herbalist and author has some incredible knowledge and love to share. Enjoy this video about how she takes care of herself while serving thousands of herbal students.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments below. Do you struggle with overworking at times? What kinds of things do you do to take care of yourself in the midst of it all?
To find out more about how you can get support taking care yourself, check out Transform, my one-on-one coaching program.
Mirror, mirror in my mind.....
Another typical weekend. Your partner is exhausted from being at work all week and you are going bat shit crazy from parenting. You’ve got your honey-do list and vision of what might feel super relaxing in the morning and super fun for the family in the evening. You're rolling at your own speed with your own vision and then BAM. Your partner says that totally insensitive thing. You pause for a moment and digest. Yup, he really did just yell at you.
The story could go on from here. On and on around the same merry go round of react, defend, fight, flight again and again ad infitum.
BUT, but, but, but, but, but………
M a a ayyyyy bbbb ee not this time……..
You pause. Take a huge breath, filling your lungs like they’ve never been filled before and exhale. Your mind stops swirling madly in every direction and you do one simple, tiny little act. In your head instead of the react, you mirror.
STEP ONE: Like looking in the mirror to see your own reflection you start to say in your head exactly what you hear your partner saying.
Partner: “You aren’t even listening to me. I’ve worked my ass off all week for this family and I just want to sit here and watch this damn show. The kid is calling for you anyway. You go play that game with her.”
You (silently in your own head): “You aren’t even listening to me. I’ve worked my ass off all week for this family and I just want to…….”
See, you’re not reacting, you are totally, wholeheartedly, 100% listening. You are so present you just said back every single thing he said.
STEP TWO:
Now, you take what you just heard and see if you heard it right. See if you can keep listening and not reacting for even a minute longer.
You: “Let me make sure I am hearing you correctly. Are you saying that you just want to sit here for a little while and not do anything right now? Are you saying you had a long week?”
Partner: Silence. Intrigue. Respect. Love is oozing everywhere. “Umm, yeah. That’s exactly what I said.”
You: “OK. I’ll play this game if you can take her outside in 30 minutes?”
Partner: “Deal!”
STEP THREE
Rejoice. You two just did the first part of the mirroring dance. The part where you stop reacting and blaming and judging long enough to actually hear each other and respond. It’s actually freakin huge. You feel better, your partner feels better and you spoke with kindness and got somewhere with it.
What do you think? Have any questions for me about mirroring in this way? Have you tried it or are you willing to try it this week? Let’s chat in the comments.
The Gift of Giving
It’s the brown, soft baby carrier that I tucked my son into. The one that gave him comfort and gave my hands freedom. Just seeing it floods me with memories of that time. I’m reminded of when he was small enough to fit inside and all that happened during that era. A whole boat load of life changing shit. So much shit. I’m tempted to clutch onto it, keep it around so I can be flooded with these memories often. It was such a defining time.
But, instead I tuck necessities into it’s little pocket. Band-aids, hand sanitizer, a tiny bear hat and a pair of mittens. Things that for a moment may become a life-line for the family that this carrier is being sent to across the seas and the nights, all the way to Greece. A family that will find it awaiting them when they step off the raft after fleeing from home, after fleeing from Syria.
The act of filling this pocket has brought me more joy than the memories from seeing and feeling this soft brown carrier. Those memories actually sting, but the filling and the sharing and the possibility of that one second of peace for a family in despair, that gives me hope.
I think I could literally go to the bank on the hope that I feel in this small act. The hope that they will know how much my family, across all of these miles and cultures and circumstances, thinks of them and reaches our hearts out desperately to them in solace, in solidarity.
What are you holding onto? Might giving it away feel even better than holding on? Is it some blame, some judgement? Is it some item that might enhance the life of someone else while taking nothing from you? Is it your heart, held back for fear, when giving away your love feels so so good?
I’ve read many times that the act of helping others is a balm to the hardest of days. It’s true what I’ve read.
If you want to share your baby carrier, you can mail it to the amazing folks at:
c/o Carry The Future
121 W. Lexington Dr.
Suite 106 D
Glendale, CA 91203
And if you want to share your thoughts, leave them below.
With love,
Lexi
There is a Voice Inside of You
There is a voice inside of you that whispers all day long.
It knows when something's right for you and knows when something's wrong.
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend or wise man can decide,
What's right for you, so listen to the voice that speaks inside.
-Shel Silverstein